Faking 30

Impostor Syndrome: (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Forgive me for being a little late *cough* a lot late with my post. While I have grand goals of posting something every Thursday, life sometimes has other plans. To be fair, it was possible for me to make the time and I didn’t, so that’s on me. At any rate, I’d like to catch everyone up on what’s been going on.

First and foremost, I was fortunate to get paired with a mentor through the Inclusive Romance Project. I am beyond excited about this and they are absolutely amazing. Anyone who follows me on Twitter would have seen the fruits of this relationship on June 4th during #PitMad. While I didn’t get as much editor/agent traction as I was hoping, I did receive more overall retweets than I ever have before. I’m also immensely proud of the pitches we put together. That’s a win in my book any day 😉

I also found myself very humbled by the amazing assortment of pitches from other authors. While I technically could viewed these as competition (which they sort of are), it mostly just reminded me that we all have stories to tell. My story may not be for you, but it is for someone. So, I’m gonna need all those incredible writers to get with it, because I need those stories, those books, in my life and in my world.

Secondly, I submitted queries for Darkness Defined to two agents on Monday (June 8th). A query is a very nice please-oh-please-pick-me letter submitted to an agent that basically gives them a high level view of the story and why the two of you would be a good fit. I haven’t heard back from one, but the other has requested the full manuscript. *insert panic here*

Thirdly, I turn thirty this week. Say what you want about age just being a number, because it is, but it’s also a frame of mind. Many days I still don’t feel like an adult or at least not what I imagine an adult is supposed to be. I’m starting to come to the conclusion that adulthood is actually some ponzi scheme with a subpar business model with legal drinking as the ultimate bait and switch.

three pineapples with gold party hats
Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Pexels.com

Anyway, I digress. There are a lot of things I thought I would have accomplished by now. Some of them I have–I’m married to a wonderful human, have a house, a career, and adorable pups–and some I have not–I’m still unpublished, I’ve yet to start a family, and I’m still absolute crap at making friends. The real struggle for me as I hit this milestone recognized by so many as some kind of tipping point in one’s life, is myself…and my own perceptions. People keep reminding me that the things on my list don’t come with hard deadlines, to take pride in the success that I have accomplished. So as tomorrow looms and my third decade on this earth becomes a reality, I’m working hard to focus on that.

Because I am proud.

I’m proud of the woman I’ve become. How I continue to expand my thoughts and understandings of the world around me. That my writing continues to flourish with each new story. That even though my group of friends may be small, I still contribute and help them to flourish as well (or at least I hope that’s what I’m doing). I absolutely adore my husband who might be one of the most supportive and enlightened people I’ve ever met (the good looks and wicked smarts don’t hurt either).

Change is hard. Even though tomorrow just signals the passing of another year on this earth, it feels like more. I’m digging deeper into who I am as a person and quite frankly surprised at finding things that I apparently buried…really deep. Those things will take years to unpack, but I’m dedicated to the effort and know I have a fabulous support system to help me along the way. For that, I am immensely grateful, not everyone is so fortunate. I just hope that someday I can pay forward the generosity and understanding shown to me. Until then, I will continue to strive to bring my stories to life. Time will eventually see them published, either independently or through a traditional publisher.

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