Living Life Backwards

Yes, it’s been awhile……a long while

No, I don’t have a good excuse

Yes, it’s because I’ve been avoiding you……and every other responsibility

The whole purpose of this blog was to give myself a source of accountability for my writing–yeah, also to build interest in my works, but mostly to keep me honest and on task. Which is why I have been avoiding you. #guilty conscience #writer’s block #avoidance tactics

For those of you who have been following the journey, you know I struggled with editing Sara’s Moon, but eventually persevered (with a substantial amount of belly aching). Then it was off to the real editor, where it survived and grew from a grueling three rounds of edits. Between the polishing, official cover, and revised blurb the book is finally ready for publishing in *cough* October. Right?

Wrong.

Time to be honest. I knew, despite all of the revisions, something was still missing, something important. So, I did the thing I should have done first: I enlisted four, unbiased, Beta readers; people who don’t know me or anything about me beyond the manuscript given them (and if they Facebook stalk I guess). In the pursuit of well-rounded feedback I split it between two genres: Fantasy and Romance. As of now, I’ve heard back from three of four. While some of the feedback has been generous, the rest put into words what I have been struggling to for months/years. *Sigh*

Now after almost a decade, I have finally swallowed my pride and completely rewritten the 1st (and 2nd) chapters–Something I was advised to do in the beginning. What can I say? I’m stubborn. Rewriting, felt tantamount to failure. How could I be so wrong? No, I’m not. It’s obviously awesome and they simply can’t see it. (Can anyone say delusional?) Still, I did it; painful as it was.

That was three weeks ago.

woman covering face with book on bed
Photo by Lina Kivaka on Pexels.com

Needless to say, the inspiration did not last. Ultimately, the crushing disappointment morphed into full on depression. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was starting over at square one. Would I need to rewrite the whole book? Was anything salvageable? How had I gotten so far with what was obviously a mess? I mean, clearly I was being dramatic, but it didn’t change the fact that I withdrew from all things even remotely productive. Instead, I read five books–no wait, six–in two and a half days. None of which benefited my writing in the least. I might have a problem.

Well, I’m back now and tired of wallowing. Just because there is a lot going on in my life at the moment, doesn’t mean I should roll over and give up on my dreams. Sara’s Moon will be the book it deserves to be. It will be great; maybe not for everyone and that’s okay. The truth is, I want more than anything to be proud of the story itself, not just the fact that I finished it.

My audience deserves that.

deserve that.

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