Yeah I know, long title, but it’s true! And it is a problem. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I am here to tell you that admitting it has done nothing to resolve the issue. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Then why do I read…and re-read…my own books time and again? I would like to say it’s because I’m editing or looking for plot holes, or some other noble reason. However, let’s face facts, it’s because I’m a total narcissist. Wait, that’s not right either. Well bugger. What is it then?
My husband put it a great way one day when I was pursuing literally anything and everything that had a mildly similar feel to a book I had just written. (Yes, this included movies and TV shows.) He said, it’s like when you get a song stuck in your head. Sometimes you have to keep listening to it until you can get it out of your system. Okay, well that seems legit. Now I feel slightly less bad that I have quite literally read Darkness Defined (which technically constitutes two books a.t.m.) five times. Count ’em. Five.
So during this latest bout of insanity I resisted the urge to pick it up again. Instead I picked up Darkest Whisper, which now brings its total reads and edits up to four. And song or no song, I am under no delusions that I could easily pick it or Darkness Defined up and go again. I’m beginning to think being obsessed as a writer isn’t quite the same as it is for everyone else. (Head nod to anyone who got that. You know who you are.) But why? Why do I do it?
Short Answer: I love the story. True answer: I know the story (and love it). They are guilty pleasures, feel goods, that while yes, will break your heart, there is still hope. So yeah, when I want a guaranteed rainbow at the end of the emotional roller coaster and twists and turns of drama, I selfishly pick up my own book. Please don’t judge me until you’ve read them for yourself. Who knows, maybe they’ll be your rainbow too.